Sweet Little Bean's Day

Sweet Little Bean’s Day

My husband and I have been trying to complete our family since the day we got married. 

First we struggled to get pregnant, then lost our first baby. Finally in May 2015 we had a beautiful little girl.  She is perfect and made us want another kid right away.  When she was 11 months old, I found out I was pregnant again, but unfortunately we lost that baby a month later.  A month and a half later I got 2 little lines again, hopefully our next baby won’t have to suffer with any abnormalities that will have to put them through cleft lip surgery. 

I couldn’t believe that I got pregnant so fast this time.  We were overjoyed and so excited for another baby to join our family.  Things started out a little rocky with the pregnancy, but quickly everything was falling into place and our baby looked so perfect.

Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, we nicknamed our little baby, Bean.  As farmers and agronomists, we pick plant related names for our babies before they are born.  Our daughter was Sprout and we thought Bean fit for this baby.  When I got out of the first trimester and heard his heart beating for the first and second time, I was so relieved.  It seemed that we were finally going to get another baby to bring home!

On October 20th, we rushed to the doctor because things didn’t seem right. 

It was there that we were told our little baby had died.  The whole pregnancy up to this day had been a whirlwind.  It started with losing our second baby and getting pregnant immediately after.  I had many ultrasounds and read many useful reference to make sure he or she was developing okay and we finally made it to that “safe zone.”  I was ready to relax and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy.  But that wasn’t going to happen.  

A few days later, we found ourselves 3 hours from home to see the doctor that delivered our daughter 17 months before.  She agreed to see me as soon as she got the call.  I had heard of BirthWaves and decided to get in contact with them. 

I was paired with Katie and it was obvious from the beginning that she was going to be an important part of our healing. 

She drove to Manhattan on the day we met with my doctor to be with us. We weren’t sure of what options were available in this situation. Katie met with us before the appointment to get to know us and to discuss the options we might have.  We had been told by a different OBGYN that a D&E is what is normally done over induction because it is less painful.  However that didn’t sound like the best option for us, unless it turned out to be the only option. Katie told us that I could be induced if our doctor agreed and then go into labor and deliver Bean. I imagine a lot of doctors would prefer to do the D&E, but for us, we wanted to have that moment where our baby was handed to us.  Katie supported us and our doctor also decided induction was best for us.

We had an appointment with the doctor on the 24th and immediately went to labor and delivery to be induced.  I was set on being induced and delivering this baby.  I had delivered all our other babies on my own, (delivery of Sprout and 2 miscarriages at home) so I wasn’t going to stop with Bean.  I was sure I wanted to labor as long as I could without pain control, hopefully the whole time.  If Bean had been born full term, I planned to have a drug free labor with as much joy as possible.  We also planned to have a doula help us through labor. 

My goal was to give Bean the day he would have gotten in March. 

At around 11:15am my doctor started the induction and from there things went pretty fast.  I wasn’t allowed to walk around for an hour, so I spent the time talking with Jake and Katie and crocheting.  By 12:30pm, I was feeling contractions and started to walk around my room.  Around 3pm I felt like my body was progressing.  I asked the nurse to check how dilated I was and to our surprise, my water broke. 

My doctor arrived shortly later to administer another dose of the medicine.  I was allowed to sit up again at 4:15pm and that is when things got really intense.  We called the nurse in to say I felt like I had to push and she immediately had my doctor come back.  Before she made it, at 4:36pm, our little boy entered the world.  Jake and I looked at each other and I immediately burst into tears of joy. 

We weren’t sad or devastated at that moment, only happy that we were going to meet him. 

The whole day was filled with a calming peace that only comes from knowing that the Lord is in control.  When we got to hold our son for the first time, we immediately knew that he was Bean, there was no need to change his name to what he would have been named.  Bean was just right.  He was so perfect, with 10 little tiny toes and 10 little fingers. 

Katie was a tremendous help for a terrible situation. I wish we didn’t have to meet her. However, at the end of the day, it felt as if we had known her for a long time, instead of just a few hours. We can’t thank her enough. 

Bean's Parents

Since that day, I had another miscarriage.  Following that we were able to find a treatment plan to help us have another healthy baby.  I am happy to say we will be adding another baby to our family in the beginning of February and hope Katie will be there with us!

Image credit: Blue River Photography

4 Comments on “Sweet Little Bean’s Day

  1. What a beautiful tribute to baby bean. Love to you on this challenging day.

  2. Jake and Jessica, Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. Your choices were God given. We continue to pray that God will bless you with a beautiful child in February. Hugs and much love, Marlys P

  3. This is so beautiful. My heart breaks for the pain you’ve gone through, but you’ve turned it into something wonderful with these words. Prayers to you!

  4. What a beautiful story and message. Sending you love. Grateful for those brief moments we did have with our babies. Thank you for sharing!

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